I could ask myself questions like, "When did I start letting myself go?" or "How could I have let this happen?". I could keep using the excuses I have been for years - It's pregnancy weight, I gained it when I stopped breast feeding, I don't have the time with two kids and so on and so forth. But if I am really honest with myself, I must admit that I have always struggled with my weight and that I have always struggled to make physical fitness a part of my daily routine.
This is not to say that I haven't made attempts before - I have. In retrospect, I can say that they were half-hearted attempts for the most part. I had one really good success in my life. When I met my husband 10 years ago, I was at my lifetime heaviest weight. I won't say exactly how much I weighed back then, but let's just say that I was closing in on a very unhealthy and scary threshold that I didn't want to cross over. As I began falling in love with him, I started finding that I had the energy and enthusiasm for getting in shape that wasn't there before. I began running almost daily and I emptied my kitchen of all junk food. Before I knew it, I had shed 40 pounds and was in the best shape of my life. I promised myself I would never go back again, but I did. Slowly...but surely. My well intentioned friends will say I look great and that I shouldn't worry, but again, I have to be honest with myself: my friends can lie, the mirror does not.
Over the years, I have thrown money at so many things in my quest to get fit. Gym memberships, diet books, Wii Fit. I got use out of all of them, still do (except the gym membership which I finally got real about a couple years ago), but wasn't achieving any results. Why? Why? Why (You can feel free to insert your own Nancy Kerrigan sound byte here)?
Because I wasn't setting any real goals and I wasn't holding myself accountable to anything. So that was my first step: realizing that I needed to add some structure to my quest. Next was to figure out what I could do to lose weight, get in shape and NOT throw any more money out the window. Then one day a friend of mine announced on Facebook that she was beginning the Couch to 5K program. I commented on her post that I thought she was great and that I wished we had something like that where I lived and her reply was simple: you can do it. She sent me this link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml and from there, my plan was born.
I will begin my journey by going through the 9 week C25K program and I will blog about my experience. In doing this, I hope to overcome my accountability issue and maybe even find an outlet for sharing my triumphs, frustrations, insecurities and fears. Maybe I'll even find others who relate, commiserate, encourage and share my experience. After nine weeks, I don't know what will come next. I think/hope that the path will become clear as I move along. The ultimate goal of course is to be at a healthy weight and for me to be in good shape. I need to do this for myself. I need to do this to set the right example for my kids. I want to do this so my husband will always find me to be sexy. Any of you out there who want to protest the last item should stop right there. He loves me no matter what. The two are not the same and I know it. But mostly, I need to do this for me.
So tomorrow morning I will begin. I'll set my alarm and get up before the kids wake up and I will start running. I'll weigh-in first thing in the morning and in the spirit of full disclosure, I will share the number. This does frighten me. I know the number will be embarrassing but I hope that the embarrassment will further motivate me. I also hope that as the weeks go on, I will be able to continue reporting the number and that will come to be a source of my pride. Perhaps at some point the number will become the goal, but for now, the goal is to get into shape and make excercise a part of my routine.
On that note, I will say to anyone out there who is reading this what I hope people will say to me along the way and that is quite simply: YOU CAN DO IT!