About Me

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CA, United States
I have been a stay at home mom for the last 5 years. I love being with my children and feel so blessed and lucky to have the opportunity to do so, but I often get lost in the shuffle of it all. I have tried to lose weight and get in shape many times in my life, with varying degrees of success. It has seemed especially hard since having kids. So, I've decided to sliver out a little piece of time for myself to get back in shape and get back to feeling good about myself. I am hoping that this blog will help me find an outlet to talk about my experiences and find a community of people who have similar goals. I hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy writing it!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Week 3, Day 2 - just a matter of getting out the door

It has been a glorious weekend.  The best weather we've had all year and lots of fun activities, parties and BBQing.  The perfect Memorial Day weekend filled with lots of sunshine.  And let me just tell you, it has taken it out of me!  The entire family slept in this morning and the kids did not wake me until 8:30.  We got on with the morning shuffle of coffee, juice, oatmeal and at about 10:00 I decided that I needed to get moving or I might never make it out.  So I dressed and was ready to go, but was still finding it hard to take that step out of the house.  To be completely honest, I was not really motivated to run as much as I was motivated to not let myself down.  With some encouragement from my supportive husband and kids, however, I was able get a move on.

I started with a little audio book today though and walked a good 1/2 mile before I fired up the C25K podcast.  Was feeling a little slow and stiff and figured a little extra warm-up would do me right...which it did.  I felt much better during the entire run today than I did on W3D1.  At the end of my second interval, I was actually feeling like I could keep going.  In fact, when Mia announced that we were done, I still did one more run. 

I can't believe how far I've come in such a short time.  If I could bottle up how I feel about myself and let people sample it, everyone would be doing this.  And what is so crazy to me is that as good as I am feeling now and as far as I have come, I am still just at the beginning.  While I am intimidated by what is yet to come (W5D3, gulp), I am so excited to get there and know the feeling that will come with accomplishing it.  2010 did not get off to the best start for me and for a while there, it seemed like this would become just another year of broken resolutions.  I am so grateful to have found this program and that it has helped me find myself again.  No more doubt, no more excuses, no more forgetting to take care of me...I can do it!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Week 3, Day 1 - and a little about "the number"

My husband will be reading this, so I won't say too much on the subject, but our alarm went off this morning at the same exact time that both children woke up and there was a new sense of motivation that came with watching him get up and tend to the kids while I dressed and readied myself for the big run!  This was needed, as I was stuck in a bit of dread about the start of week 3...

I was ready though, had my week 3 podcast all queued up, stretched and was off.  I had what I hoped was a relatively dog-free route planned (since I hadn't gotten my mace yet) and I found that being out on the road a bit later than normal, there were many more joggers on the road.  I love the knowing nod that you give one another as you pass by.  The one that silently aknowledges that, "we kick ass!"  My first 90 second interval went well and I even felt ready to run again when the time came.  The next run, 3 long minutes worth, was actually not too bad.  No lie, I was very happy when Mia told me to slow it down and was equally happy to hear that even she was dreading this run.  Before I knew it, even though it was 3 minutes of walking, it was time to run 90 more seconds.  They weren't the quickest 90 seconds ever, that would be saved for the next 90 seconds of walking.  I felt like I had barely caught my breath when my next 3 minutes of running began.  This one seemed long.  Mia kept coming on to be encouraging.  After ninety seconds, she said, "You're half-way there!"  What the EFFFF?  Only half way there?  I felt like I had been running for way longer than 90 seconds.  But it came to an end and I was ever so greatful to walk for 3 more minutes.  The last interval was difficult, and even though Mia was encouraging me to push it hard, I was not able to push it beyond a slow jog.  That's OK though, I made it!  I did it!  I was so relieved to have some time to walk and breath, and listen to my book.   It is a very gratifying part of the experience.

When I got home, I had to jump back into action to get me and my family ready for some morning plans we had.  I got the shower started and decided to jump on the scale and see how I was doing.  I've been eating really well since starting this program and have all but cut out deserts and unnecessary snacking.  So, naked and without any food in my body, I stepped on and took in the new number:  178.  3 1/2 pounds down from the beginning of the month.  I know that's good, especially since I know I am building muscle right now.  The reality is that the number doesn't really reflect the real changes I can see for myself, that I can feel when I button my pants.  That is why my goals didn't include any specific new number...I knew that as I got back into shape the number wouldn't spiral downward very quickly.  Still, can't help but wish that I'd been more pleasantly surprised.  it is what it is though and I still feel good about myself.  Actually, I feel great.  I was afraid of this workout I had to take on today, but I conquered it.  I didn't give up and because of that, I grow ever confidant that no matter what the challenge before me, I CAN DO IT!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Week 2, Day 4 - Another close encounter of the canine kind

This morning did not go to plan exactly.  Despite ensuring last night that my alarm was set to the right time, set to a.m. and was turned on, I was not awoken at 6:35.  By some stroke of luck, my husband happened to open his eyes and see that it was almost 6:50 and woke me up.  It seems that the radio station dial had been messed with and the volume turned all the way down.  I have a little 23 pound suspect who gets her hands into everything these days, but since she doesn't speak yet, the questioning will have to wait.

I dressed quickly and dashed out the door, forgoing my usual stretch session and got right to the 5 minute walk.  I stopped once or twice to stretch my calves and shins, but my fourth week 2 run came upon me quickly.  I was not as loose as I normally am, so I wasn't really hitting my stride right away.  I took a new route today to keep it fresh and it did not take me long to regret it.  In the middle of my first run interval, I watched as a huge black do came running out of its yard toward me barking.  It stopped advancing me when it was about 10 feet away, but kept barking and growling.  I was paralyzed with fear and was completely unsure what do do.  I moved slowly along, keeping my eyes on him always.  I was doing kind of a side step trying to keep as much distance from him as I could while still trying to get away from him.  The barking never stopped and I was so afraid that he would lunge at me.  As I reached the corner of the street, I noticed a man who I shall call Cletus standing in his driveway watching the encounter with a sort of stupid grin on his face.  I asked him if he was the dog's owner and he said no, but not to worry, the dog was all bark, no bite.  He actually said he thinks the dog is funny.  "Real $#*#$%ing funny," I said as I kept moving further away from Cujo.  Once I made it to the next corner and was able to get off the street and out of site, I began running again, just trying to get more distance, but looking frequently over my shoulder.  As opposed to my last canine encounter, my confrontation with Cletus and Cujo left little to laugh about. 

I backed up my podcast and went back to run one and continued on my way.  Adrenaline was pumping now and I was beginning to get back into stride.  I will not allow myself to skip the stretching again because I felt tight through most of the run.  And since I wasn't dying at the end of my run today, I will prepare to move on to week 3 on Saturday.  In the meantime, I think I will go ahead and pick up a small can of pepper spray to keep with me on my runs.  I can't be that vulnerable again.  If people can't be responsible animal owners, then I will have to do what it takes to be protected.  I hope I'll never need to use it, but I know I need the peace of mind.

Though I am nervous about keeping up with the next level of the program, I need to keep pushing forward if I am to make progress.  As many of you have shared with me, this program is not the same for everyone.  If it takes me longer to master a week, that's OK.  If I struggle with a workout, it doesn't mean I've failed.  What is important is that I keep up with the routine, I make exercise a part of my life, and I get my body healthy and strong.  C25K isn't a race to a finish line, it is a map to better physical and mental health.  So each day, each morning that I rise to run, I will cling to my new mantra:  I CAN DO IT!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Week 2, Day 3 - pushing through the pain in the rain

I really enjoy starting my days with some solitude.  I love being able to do something for myself first thing in the morning rather than starting my day be responding to other people's needs (i.e. my kids).  I feel so alive, my cheeks hot and brow sweaty, legs rubbery and tired, heart pounding as I push to make my last few running strides strong.  And it is so refreshing to feel my breath returning to me, gasps returning to deep inhalations of crisp morning air.  It really is a great start to a day.  So, why is it that when the alarm goes off, I find it so dreadful to get out of bed?  Where's that old childhood enthusiasm that could get me out of bed with a spring in my step and excitement in my blood? 

Despite its absence, I slowly get out of bed and start getting myself dressed and stretched and ready to go.  Looks like a good morning to run, a little grayish, but dry and cool.  I've determined that I am going to pick up my pace this morning.  I don't want to watch a clock while I am running as that seems to have a negative psychological impact on me, so I remember where I was when I had finished my run last time and aim to be further along my route when I complete today's program.  So I get started and and in the middle of my first run, the rain started pouring down.  I wasn't prepared for it, so I got very wet, but it wasn't so bad and I guess I am glad that the rain didn't get the chance to give me pause this morning.  Running in the rain was actually refreshing in its own way, so now that is one less obstacle in my way in the future!

I found the first few intervals to be challenging, but I made it without great difficulty.  The third interval is where I started finding it hard to keep up my quicker pace.  I was panting and my muscles just burning by the end of 90 seconds and I barely felt ready to run again after two minutes.  My running slowed quite a bit from that point and while I did make it further than I did last time, I felt a little beat up.  Today should be the last of the week 2 workouts, but I don't feel entirely ready to move on.  Reading through other people's experiences on The Couch to 5K Facebook page, I know a lot of people repeat weeks until they feel more ready to move on.  I know that it isn't a big deal to do so, but still, I wonder if I'm just telling myself that I need more time because I am afraid.  I don't know.  I don't want to sell myself short, but I also don't want to move on before I am ready.  I feel like the confidence I build at every run propels me forward.  I fear what a bad experience would do to my mind set, so I think I will run another interval of week 2 before graduate to week 3.  I am going to go out there on Thursday with a positive attitude, ready to kick some ass because I know I CAN DO IT!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Week 2, Day 2 - beautiful day for a run

It is a glorious day for running.  Cool, but not cold, blue sky and quiet on the roads.  My daughter is still sick and EXTREMELY whiny, so I must admit, I was anxious to get out of the house for a bit this morning and enjoy some solitude.

After a good stretch (one that I really needed as I found myself quite sore from yesterday's Zumba workout) and a brisk 5 minute walk, I was off and running.  Ninety seconds flew by and I began my two minute walk.  At this point, 2 dogs from the neighborhood behind mine approached me and one was sniffing in areas I'd rather he hadn't.  The owner was outside and yelled to me, "Don't worry, they're nice dogs.  They won't bite."  First of all, I don't care...sorry if you're a dog lover out there, but your dogs should be trained to leave strangers passing by alone or else they should be kept on leashes.  Second, I usually get at least a dinner and movie before anyone gets this far with me, so I was not appreciating this encounter.  Finally he called them off and I moved along, albeit, feeling just a little dirty.

The rest of the intervals came and went without incident.  Mia was playing some great music today and she was really encouraging me to pick up the pace at the end.  I did, but I sure was feeling it.  I am trying not to get too ahead of myself here, but I have to admit, when I read ahead on the plan I start to get pretty nervous.  I know I need to take it one day at a time, but it's still hard for me to imagine running 3 + miles without stopping.  This self-doubt still creeps in despite the fact that I haven't felt this good about myself in a long time.  I believe in the program though, so I have to focus on where I am today and look forward to gaining new confidence in myself once I succeed at the next plateau.  My attitude and will to succeed are the keys that will get me to my goal, so I'll keep saying it and saying until I reach the finish line:  I CAN DO IT!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Week 2, Day 2 - uhhh, not quite

I know, I know, I know.  Some of you love to run in the rain.  I might not mind it, but I just couldn't do it this morning.  A little rain is one thing, but it was coming down in blankets and I just didn't want to go out in it.  I also didn't want to totally let the day get away from me, so I called my friend Rebecca and made plans to meet her for a Zumba class she goes to regularly.  I've heard from so many people that it is a great, fun workout, so I wanted to give it a try.

I couldn't believe how many women showed up for this class.  It was completely full.  As we waited for the instructor to come in, we all stretched and chatted quietly.  Then the music came on blasting and we were off.  It started easy enough, the moves were not too complicated, but by the end, I was feeling like that dude at the dance club who has no moves, but god bless him, is trying to keep up!  I didn't stop moving and I tried like the dickens to at least move in the right direction, but I was not the most graceful zumba-er in the room (though not the least either).  That will not come as too big a surprise to many of you.  I've never really been known for my grace.  But I tried to follow along with the instructor who moved her hips as if she was channelling Shakira herself.  I had to remember something Mia said on my last Chubby Jones Podcast about not letting the fact that you feel stupid stop you from doing it, so I let go of my vanity and went with it.

I give myself an A for effort though.  I danced, shook, and jumped my ass off for 6o minutes.  I was sweating bullets and having a blast.  Rebecca told me that after going to the class for a few times, the moves come more naturally (especially the hip shaking) and following the routines would get easier.  I believe her. 

Perhaps I will Zumba again sometime soon, but I plan to do W2D2 tomorrow and keep myself on track with this program.  I am so glad to know though that when the heavens threw me an obstacle, I was able improvise and get the better of it!

Have a great Saturday and I'll be seeing you all tomorrow.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Week 2, Day 1 - Bring it on!

The weather report last night predicted rain this morning, so I was mentally preparing myself for a run in the rain.  As is part of my new routine, I lay out EVERYTHING I will need to get ready in the morning- clothes, socks, shoes, hat, iPod, headphones, inhaler, and in this case, rain jacket.  I find that if I can just get out of bed and get ready without having to think about anything, I don't have the chance to psych myself out.  So I went to bed last night prepared, and fell asleep with positive thoughts of running in the rain and kicking week two's ass!

As it turns out, I may be getting better at running, but our local weatherman is getting no better at predicting the weather.  It was a gorgeous, crisp morning with blue skies.  I did, however, have a few strikes working against me.  First, I was experiencing a lot of pain and stiffness in my right shoulder and neck and couldn't fully turn my head.  Second, my monthly visitor decided to pop in a bit early.  I was not giving in though.  If my kids had not been sleeping along with most of my neighbors, I may just have looked up to the sky and screamed, "Is that all you've got?"  No way I was going down.  I did some stretching,  slipped on my headphones, and began listening to the week 2 Chubby Jones Podcast

I started my 5 minutes of brisk walking and stopped half way through just long enough to stretch my legs and calves a bit more before the running began.  I had very bad shin splints in high school and since then, I make very sure to stretch out the muscles in my lower legs really well.  Finally Mia came on and told me to start running.  I will not sit here and pretend that I wasn't scared of this workout.  Even with all my positive thinking, I was still very worried about adding 30 seconds to my run time.  The first leg went very well though.  I noticed the additional run time, but I didn't feel like I was going to die.  The 2 minutes of walking even seemed to be a totally sufficient amount of time between runs. 

Without a doubt, I am not the fastest jogger.  I imagine many of you out there are jogging faster than I do.  My goal at this point isn't to run the fastest 5K, but rather to just be able to run 5K.  Once I can do that, I'll work on getting faster, but for now, I'm not feeling pressure to win any races.  That being said, I am pushing myself and I'm sweating and short of breath and feeling it, but you know what, I did it.  I made it through the entire workout and never for one minute felt like I needed to stop or couldn't go on.  Finally, Mia came back on and counted down the last few seconds of running.  I was still a little less than a mile from home, so I kept walking and switched my iPod over to an audio book.  And let me tell you, I loved that last 10 minutes of just walking, listening to the narrator read to me, breathing heavy at first as I went along and cooling down to nice deep, cleansing breaths. 
I feel so accomplished.  I feel so proud of myself.  I feel so ready to take on my day.  I say it to myself.  I say it to others.  I feel it.  I know it.  I CAN DO IT!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Week 1, Day 4 - one more for some confidence

As I mentioned last time, I felt I needed one more week one workout before moving on.  I'm very glad I did it because I ran strong the entire time and I never really felt like I was running out of steam during any of my intervals!  So now, with a new sense of confidence and some newly acquired wind in my sails, I will move on to week 2.

I got up this morning with unusual gusto that I attribute to my new bedtime pep talk.  As I lay in bed falling asleep, I kept telling myself that I was going to sleep well and that I was going to feel good and be ready to run in the morning.  I told myself I that I wanted to do it and that I could do it  and that everything was going to be great.  I swear that it helped because I did feel good and ready.

I had a new friend with me on my run today.  I discovered The Chubby Jones Podcast on iTunes and am so happy I did.  The woman's name is Mia and she is a 30 year old woman with lifelong weight struggles who did this Couch to 5K thing and created her podcast to help others out there do it too.  There was some great music to go with the run and a lot of great and funny encouragement from Mia as I went along.  In the middle of the first 60 seconds, playing the Joy Division song, "Love will tear us apart", Mia breaks in to say that you may feel like this run is going to tear you apart, but it won't, you can do this!  The comic encouragement was great! 

Best of all for me though was the fact that I could clip my iPod on and just run.  I didn't need to hold it.  I didn't need to watch the stopwatch.  When it was time to run, she told me.  When it was almost time to walk she chimed in and counted down the last few seconds.  It was nice to just listen and look and enjoy.  I think that when you hold that stopwatch in your hand and you're running and getting tired, waiting for that 60 seconds to expire is a lot like watching for a pot of water to boil:  seems like it is never going to happen.  But it did happen.  I finished my run with great ease - in fact, I was so blissfully unaware of how close to finishing I was, I ended up about a mile from home when she came on to congratulate me on completing my workout.  I trotted a bit more and then finished with a good walk. 

As I move on, I am feeling like the struggles I have had to control what I eat are getting easier too.  The better I feel about myself the less I want to eat what I shouldn't.  It is all so connected and I really see that now.  I know that as I continue on in this journey, my sense of accomplishment is going to keep making me strong in my body and mind.  I know that one day soon, I'll be able to sit down and enjoy a cookie or a bowl of ice cream without the guilt that usually accompanies them.  I am one week into this program and I already feel light years away from where I was 7 days ago.  I am so excited to see where this all leads me.  Each day, each night, and all the hours in between, I am feeling ever confidant that I CAN DO IT!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Week 1, Day 3 and a million good excuses

My daughter is ill.  She wants to be held constantly.  When she's not being held, she is whining and even when she is being held, she frequently whines then too.  I have had to wash her bed sheet and blanky twice this weekend, clean her carpet and was 2 loads of towels because she has been vomiting.  Night time seems even worse, though I am sure its only the exhaustion talking.  I would say that Friday night offered me only 25 minutes of sleep per hour as she woke up constantly and last night bore me little more sleep.

So, this morning, when I woke up with a sore throat and a headache, and my eyelids felt like they had become lead weights, my mind got on to the dirty work of justifying the flake out.  After all, I started on Wednesday and if I didn't run until tomorrow, I'd still be getting in all my workouts within the week.  I lamely sputtered out something to that effect to my husband who is the least flaky person I know.  If I was going to skip my run this morning, he wasn't going to give me the absolution I wanted.  He's proud of what I am undertaking here and is doing his part to support me in that pursuit so he wasn't going to support me in my desire to flake out on day three.

I decided to take some Advil, have a little breakfast and wait for the worst to pass, which it did.  So a few hours later than planned, I dressed, laced up, and took to the streets!  It's funny to me how this whole exercise thing works, the way it comes in layers of love and hate, dread and desire, exhilaration and fatigue.  It starts as dread for me, but desire gets me out the door and gets me started.  Exhilaration sets in and keeps me moving until the fatigue and hate require me to channel the desire again.  But once I am back home, its all love.  I feel good and I feel good about myself.  I love that.

I was still feeling pretty winded by the end of today's workout, so I think I'll slip in one extra week 1 workout before I move on to the week 2 workout.  I was for sure a lot better off than I was the first time and am feeling very encouraged and confidant that I'll be running 5K in 8 more weeks.  With my desire, the support of my friends, family, and my husband, I know that I CAN DO IT!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Week 1, day 2 and a lesson about attire

I did not hit the snooze button this morning, but very nearly positive-affirmationed myself back to sleep.  I did not, however, and jumped out of bed, dressed, and headed out the door.  I began walking, my muscles a little achy from my first day, but excited to see how this was going to feel today.

With warnings from one of my friends fresh in mind, I put my headphones in only one ear (so I could hear if some crazy car was about to jump the curb and leave my blog readers clamoring for more for all of time), I fired up the iPod once again and got to it.  I found the first 60 second interval to go quickly, and the first 90 second walk was long enough.  The same went for the second and third and fourth rounds.  The fifth round wasn't too bad either, though it did take a bit more out of me.  From there, I began to revisit the cruelty of slow 60 second spans and fast 90 second ones.  I was definitely feeling it and just wanted the 25 minutes to be finished!

Now, this is where I also come to another lesson learned.  As with many, they don't get learned easily, but rather, by work, pain or humiliation.  I wouldn't say it was painful, exactly, more like extremely uncomfortable.  And yes, I'd have been embarrassed to know anyone was watching me.  You see, the lesson I learned this morning is that when it comes to running, not all underwear are created equal.  The ones I threw on this morning kept creeping and crawling into places we dare not speak of.  I had to keep wondering what the wedgie etiquette was while jogging on public roads.  Is it OK to pick right out in the open?  How many times is too many?  In the end, thoughts of etiquette got thrown to the wayside and comfort became king.  I wondered as I went along which would be most suitable in the future - full cut briefs (a.k.a granny panties), high cuts, hipsters, thongs, or was commando the way to go?  Does fabric make a difference?  Does cotton stay in place better than nylon or Lycra?  I don't have any answers for you.  If someone has any for me, please save me from the trials of experimentation.  I'm not in college anymore, I'd like to think experimentation is behind me!

All in all though, I had a great workout.  I came home and showered, got myself a cup of coffee and sat down to write this.  I could do that because my kids were still sleeping at 7:45...of course, they only ever sleep that late when daddy has morning duty.  Luck of the draw or something more sinister?  Who knows.  Either way, I've got to keep on running and keep on writing because I will get in shape.  I will make my body strong.  I want to be healthy and I know I CAN DO IT!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Week 1, Day 1 and the big number reveal...

My clothes were out.  My iPod was all charged and ready.  The alarm went off and I am sorry to report that my first instinct was to hit the snooze button.  I should have attacked the day with reckless abandon.  I should have been pumped and ready to go, but alas, I just wanted to sleep more.  The better part of me prevailed though and I got out of bed before the alarm went off again.

I've been thinking about this for a while now.  I have read and reread the C25K plan.  My job today was to walk vigorously for 5 minutes and then alternate 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for the next 25 minutes.  So I did a quick warm up and then exited the house to the cold outside, fired up a little Black Eyed Peas and I was off.

Now, I'll say that I felt that this plan was completely reasonable and, to be honest, a very easy start.  I'm not saying that these notions of mine were not true, certainly they are reasonable and easy...what I am saying though is that I am EXTREMELY out of shape and found that after a couple of rounds, the 60 seconds seemed excruciatingly long and the 90 seconds mercilessly fast.  I did it though and a half hour later I returned to my house winded, sweaty and ready for my shower.  I felt proud of myself for taking that first step.

Before I could shower though, there was some business to attend to.  A promise I made that had to be kept.  I had an appointment with the scale that I could not reschedule.  In general, I find that little device to be an evil, spirit breaking presence and I avoid it if at all possible.  Even during my pregnancies, in the third trimesters when the appointments got more and more frequent, I would stand on the scale with my back to the numbers because I didn't want to know.  I certainly did not want to see that terrible threshold that I mentioned yesterday getting crossed (even if it was because of a healthy baby).

Anyway, I had a number in mind.  I knew what I weighed the last time I stepped on the scale and I can't say that I've been good since then.   Considering I've also completely ended breast feeding, I anticipated the number to be high.  So with a breath, I stepped on and was pleasantly surprised.  Not that it's a great number, but not as high as I had imagined. 

So without further ramblings, I give you my weight:  181.5 pounds.

I have a lot of work to do.  I'll need to make good eating choices if I am going to bring that number down where it needs to be and I will.  I am committed to my health.  I am dedicated to being a good role model for my children.  I want to live a long healthy life with my husband.  I want to and I know I CAN DO IT!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The journey begins...

I could ask myself questions like, "When did I start letting myself go?" or "How could I have let this happen?".  I could keep using the excuses I have been for years - It's pregnancy weight, I gained it when I stopped breast feeding, I don't have the time with two kids and so on and so forth.  But if I am really honest with myself, I must admit that I have always struggled with my weight and that I have always struggled to make physical fitness a part of my daily routine.

This is not to say that I haven't made attempts before - I have.  In retrospect, I can say that they were half-hearted attempts for the most part.  I had one really good success in my life.  When I met my husband 10 years ago, I was at my lifetime heaviest weight.  I won't say exactly how much I weighed back then, but let's just say that I was closing in on a very unhealthy and scary threshold that I didn't want to cross over.  As I began falling in love with him, I started finding that I had the energy and enthusiasm for getting in shape that wasn't there before.  I began running almost daily and I emptied my kitchen of all junk food.  Before I knew it, I had shed 40 pounds and was in the best shape of my life.  I promised myself I would never go back again, but I did.  Slowly...but surely.  My well intentioned friends will say I look great and that I shouldn't worry, but again, I have to be honest with myself: my friends can lie, the mirror does not.

Over the years, I have thrown money at so many things in my quest to get fit.  Gym memberships, diet books, Wii Fit.  I got use out of all of them, still do (except the gym membership which I finally got real about a couple years ago), but wasn't achieving any results.  Why?  Why?  Why (You can feel free to insert your own Nancy Kerrigan sound byte here)?


Because I wasn't setting any real goals and I wasn't holding myself accountable to anything.  So that was my first step: realizing that I needed to add some structure to my quest.  Next was to figure out what I could do to lose weight, get in shape and NOT throw any more money out the window.  Then one day a friend of mine announced on Facebook that she was beginning the Couch to 5K program.  I commented on her post that I thought she was great and that I wished we had something like that where I lived and her reply was simple:  you can do it.  She sent me this link:  http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml and from there, my plan was born.

I will begin my journey by going through the 9 week C25K program and I will blog about my experience.  In doing this, I hope to overcome my accountability issue and maybe even find an outlet for sharing my triumphs, frustrations, insecurities and fears.  Maybe I'll even find others who relate, commiserate, encourage and share my experience.  After nine weeks, I don't know what will come next.  I think/hope that  the path will become clear as I move along.  The ultimate goal of course is to be at a healthy weight and for me to be in good shape.  I need to do this for myself.  I need to do this to set the right example for my kids.  I want to do this so my husband will always find me to be sexy.  Any of you out there who want to protest the last item should stop right there.  He loves me no matter what.  The two are not the same and I know it.  But mostly, I need to do this for me.

So tomorrow morning I will begin.  I'll set my alarm and get up before the kids wake up and I will start running.  I'll weigh-in first thing in the morning and in the spirit of full disclosure, I will share the number.  This does frighten me.  I know the number will be embarrassing but I hope that the embarrassment will further motivate me.  I also hope that as the weeks go on, I will be able to continue reporting the number and that will come to be a source of my pride.  Perhaps at some point the number will become the goal, but for now, the goal is to get into shape and make excercise a part of my routine.

On that note, I will say to anyone out there who is reading this what I hope people will say to me along the way and that is quite simply:  YOU CAN DO IT!